Once again, I am published in the prestigious SIGBOVIK! You can read my paper Programmatic Planned Obsolescence on page 105 of the 2025 proceedings [pdf] or you can read it directly on my website [pdf] (without downloading the whole 413-page proceedings) where hyperlinks work and where I may update it to fix typos. The last paragraph of this blog post is the abstract of the paper.
What is SIGBOVIK? In their own words, SIGBOVIK publishes academic work in
the three neglected quadrants of research: joke realizations of joke ideas, joke realizations of serious ideas, and serious realizations of joke ideas.
What is included with the paper:
- A free program to slow down any of your or your comeptitor's Java/Scala/Clojure/Jython programs!
- A non-comprehensive history of planned obsolescence,
- Not just one, but two Java implementations of the classic and much-beloved ed text editor,
- Two pages of commutative diagrams that you can quickly skip to if your advisor is lurking nearby,
- Two additional free-of-charge pages of plots and tables that you can quickly skip to if your employer is lurking nearby,
- A never-seen-before compact implementation of the iterative Fibonacci function,
- A novel semantic framework dubbed Foucault–Deleuze–Derrida correspondence a-la Curry–Howard–Lambek correspondence used to give dynamic semantics to lifetime,
- A fully-working reusable software artifact here.
Abstract Should lifetimes have a role beyond memory-safety? Should they be erased or should they be included in the compilation unit? Should lifetimes have dynamic semantics? In this paper we explore a model of programming where these questions are answered in the positive. First, we revisit the history of object-oriented programming and its broader cultural sphere to identify a dynamic semantic for lifetimes. Second, we argue that planned obsolescence is not only one such model, but the only model. Third, we develop this semantics in the framework of category theory and implement it for the Java Virtual Machine. And finally, We demonstrate empirically through four case studies that programming under planned obsolescence is possible and identify a surprising result: the paradigm which is the most industry friendly performs the worst while the one which is the least friendly performs the best.
Happy Reading!